The Journey

Hi there!

 

Yeah! (Way before the TITTLE of this POST was 30Days of NOT SocialNetwork that’s why the following Text of words) Like you read it. Two days ago I started this thing of 30Days of truth; so I decided to stablish another 30Days Project and that will be not going into any of my social net working; meaning: Facebook, WireClub or even my own Yahoo! Yeah! I have decided. It is going to be hard, but I can do it. Let people in there miss me. I need to find the change and maybe this will give me exactly what I need. Of Course following this path means that I can’t say Hello&Happy Birthday! to this guy, but thank God for what they say in Alice in Wonderland about the Happy NoBirthdays right? Besides I don’t feel like he desires to get anything from me. Being on this path also means not being online on the 14th. of February, Valentines, but that’s ok, if this path makes me be again like this;-) I will be really ok and I may do it again or do another 30Day Project. This path is to find my usual self, my new self or at least the old me. I even may change the color of my hair to red so for sure I will be a totally different girl. Let see what the future brings. Lets wait and see.

Tomorrow it is going to be my first day of the 30Day Plan so I will be writing here what is going on with me and this path that I’m following, because this path may bring me closer & closer to this dream of finding him again or for the first time. Because wouldn’t be great to end like those two.

 

January 15th

Yesterday when I knew that my first day was coming along by the sec. I did everything I needed to see to be able to really follow and do it. I even sent an advance Happy Birthday to him and I told him why. Lets see if he reads it.

 

I really think I’m going to do what I’m saying I’m doing it because I really need the change.

 

This first day I started it like this and looking like that-that only means I need a shower and I need the change. I wonder if people would miss me. Can the virtual world miss you, I mean, sometimes they are online and they seem not to notice you or do they do it quietly? Who knows! Lets see how this day goes.

 January 16th

I guess that first day I ended up the same way but a little embarased because I did. The thing is that I ended up what I needed to do that day without going in and break the deal of 30Days that I got really lazy at the end, but today for sure that shower.

 

Yesterday I started wondering around about the idea of what I was feeling at the moment following this path of 30Days and I must say I felt ok. You see, you live in a world of shores, routines, same old story, wishes, high expectations, falling for someone, not falling, trying to get that he didn’t fall for you and so many other stuff that you need to escape so you go to next best thing world, THE WEB, the social network as facebook, yahoo, messenger, skype, wireclub, etc and WHAT HAPPENS? Nothing. It is like this:

It’s just like living in one bedroom appartment and you escape that reality by going to an studio. Where is the escape on doing that?

Yeah! Most of the times is like that. Sometimes I find that I have something to run to when I go online. I just realized that and it was a great feeling.

I mean yesterday I was able to finished my shores that I meant for that day, I watched my TV Shows, I read a little and I saw a movie on my DVD, I listened to music, I sang, I wrote so I did a lot of stuff that normally I don’t do on a day like this because I’m always on the WEB. Sometimes I wonder what I was doing when I didn’t use to have this in my life. It is great, but at the same time creates and addiction.

Well I know, it is not the webs fault, it’s mine, but it is the fact that THE WEB gets me use to a thing and then I can’t stop trying to go after that same thing, that same feeling.

Today, I woke up really early like always, like 4:30 in the morning and usually I go online. I see what is going on-on facebook, then wireclub, then yahoo, then jango…………. Waste of time and energy most of the times; like let people miss you right?

I wonder if the virtual world can really miss somebody, I don’t think it can, but anyway I can’t find out now, so lets see how it goes this day that is just starting.

I think I’m trying really hard to do this path, to follow it because I don’t want to find out at the end of my road that life passed me by soooooo fast before my eyes.

 

Now this day is starting to smell real good. Life is good and great I can almost feel a smile coming up real soon, right at this precise instant, I can almost touch it & catch it. Because yeah! I’m on

 

Exactly as you read it and so smile can come real easy to my face, like in a laugh!!!!!! LOL

This is just the start of Day 2….

 

January 17th

Well day 2 was not 100% great. I broke the rules and went into my email on yahoo and found out that nobody really misses me, at least not on my facebook page, he hasn’t written me, that made me feel sad and not important, but thank God for my writing and the Golden Globe Awards, those were really fun to watch. Before the show I went to Walmart to get the groceries, I walked to there and while I was walking I started to think that Adolfo was just an idea of something that I really want, desire and wish for. I’m not saying that his words were not true, but at the end we were no carrying along the same tune. Maybe what it was and it was just that it was flirting around the idea of future, but flirting after all. It’s not good starting thinking, but it is good to let out things. I think that maybe he hasn’t written me yet because he has nothing to say, he doesn’t want to, he hasn’t read my mail or he took really bad the fact that I erased him from my list of friends. But you must understand it; it was not easy for me to see that he was online and nothing, not even a hello! That was my way to deal with that reality, my way to not fall for the same mistake that is writing and writing and sending and sending to him stuff, but now I’m regreting doing it because if he really took it wrong what I did I don’t think there’s a way back.

January 18th

I really hate questions with no answers, but there’s nothing I can do. Now I’m starting my day 3 and I feel hopeful because what I didn’t mention before is that I also thought while I was walking towards Walmart; I thought of this guy that I named my angel Axel. I wished for him to find me just like Adolfo did. Of course maybe this second guy got helped because we have friends in common while Axel and I don’t. Later on that day, at night while I was watching the Golden Globes Awards, in the middle of it came out this actor that way before I compared him phisically to Axel; maybe that’s a sign, maybe that’s a sign that love is still out there waiting for me to notice it.

Playing around with the idea of this third day, goofy around, is there another way to live this reality?

January 19th

Day 3 ended and I was a little tired from it, I was also feeling really nervous and scary I needed him in my life and I couldn’t have him so I went to the only other that I had in mind, my good friend Obed, I asked him to tell me that everything was going to be allright because some way man have a way of saying stuff that feels real. Maybe it is wrong feeling this way, but I needed to hear it from a guy and I don’t know why but he answered more, I mean, he didn’t just calmed what I was feeling about that particular day but also what I was feeling towards the subject of Adolfo, any way I went to bed feeling good.

 

Now lets start day 4 even though we already broke some rules and one more today, but that’s it, I promise.

Well this day has started with really great vibrations because there was no problem with the money, now I’m just nervous about tomorrow and all starts tonight at ten o’clock; my son can’t have anything because then no operation, I just hope at least for tonight if he could become an angel; that would be sooooooooo great. But I’m feeling ok. Thank God for my good friend Obed, love you very much, lucky lady who gets you. 

 

 I’m ending my day number 4, but in fact it should be day 3 or maybe day 2 because I broke the rules real hard today, but I was feeling on my low point so I need it something and I got it. So lets say; it is the end of the day 3 in the day four so 27 days more to go, but I found some laughter my way and that my friends is always good, I’m sharing it with you and later I will share what I wish in my life to find at the moment I get some green light ok?

   

 

 

 

 

January 20th

I’m here starting my next day into the 30Day project & I’m happy that everything went right with my kid, I know some work is coming my way, but ok. I’m happy & gratefull that he is fine and had the operation that could change his life forever like a turning point. This is our turning point.

Turning point or not; happy or not it was a really long night that 19th day on the calendar and now I’m starting the following day with my fellow partner, my son and my worst enemy, the red visit of every month, so lets see how the day goes. (I look happy on the pic. right? but am I? or I was just hoping)

AM I GOING TO MAKE IT? (january 20th noon)

I’m still saying the same thing, but I’m also realizing that this path of 30Days it doesn’t have to do just to my fascination and need to go into my social networks and see if people like me, if people care, if certain people had answered me already. Well it is about that and looking at these words that I just wrote I sound soooooo pathetic right? Anyway, but now these 30Days is about making it into the world of being at home, I may find a way to look at it differently, I think I need to face this reality alone like with my mom at work and my little girl at school and be just be me and my little fellow son with his cast that doesn’t allow him to walk like he use to. Then I would know for sure.

Kind of knowing and kind of not, you tell me. I have been breaking the rules today, because, come on give me a break!, this is my first day with him, his first day of not really walking and not going out and my first day with my red visit of each month.

January 21st

It started to be like a bad night of sleep even though I had a really good time reading with my Mom and watching Glee on TV, but coke was the solution to my troubles and sleepness appear into my son’s eyes.

 

Today I’m starting my day with ok, I just wrote on another post my 9th. Day of truth that it was about someone that I didn’t want to let go, but drifted. I guess I made a mistake, but in life I guess once in a while you need to make a mistake silly or not silly, if not life wouldn’t had any value when you are doing things right, right? So lets see how it goes this day because today I’m keeping my promise of this particular post that I’m writing on. Wish me luck.

I really needed that luck because the night was hard with my little fellow son, I guess he was in pain and for sure he let me know. Little by little he fell asleep and out of the blue the ring-ring message sound from my celphone came knocking into my ear and I liked that, it was my dear friend Obed that wanted to know how were things going on and also to find how was my son doing. Because I couldn’t chat with him I went into facebook to know for sure his email because I wanted to send him something and then I found out, noticed that Adolfo took me again into his list of friends, maybe there is hope of something, whatever this is; now I just call it that I’m happy and that

 

Well just like the beginning of this day I continue breaking the rules, but my reason was to improve my page, my blog, but I must say that I started kind of chating and I answered certain comments, but ok, breaking the rules is not that bad if it makes of this page the best page ever, besides I guess the reason why I started this project related to a broken heart I really think nowadays I already found a solution, I think my heart is already fix & the answer is really simple and one can find it right here. I need to be patient for the love to come and look for me and in the meantime I would enjoy my good friends, my little shapes of love that come and go, enjoy my kids and my writing and continue this path of 30Days with its ups and downs like any other path. This is just the beginning of the end of day 22nd.

 

Well January 23rd. just started and I started writing my 11 day of truth and I’m thinking that my heart wishes to hear someway or another that…………….>

……………..>

But I guess from now on until that happens I will

SO LETS WAIT AND SEE HOW THIS GREY DAY GOES, AT THE MOMENT I GUESS IT IS WHAT IT IS AND I’M FINE WITH IT, I’M HAPPY AND ALSO GRATEFULL. THIS MAKES ME WANT TO TELL YOU, MY READERS,

 

 

 

 

 

February 24th.

Well yesterday was a good day from beginning to end, it was peacefull and quite interesting the end of it, I chatted with a good friend. We started flirting around with some naughty scenaries, but just goofy around because he in fact is a really good friend and for him I am and only I can be just a friend. The night came to go to bed and try to sleep and that’s when things got ugly because my son got upset, I guess his cast was giving him some kind of trouble, but at last sleepiness came along.

Today is kind of like a lazy day, I just started over on this new blog site, it is a new beginning, let see how it goes over here. So 26 days more to go; even though that today I’m kind of breaking the rules, but give me a break, it is Saint-Lazy-Sick Monday

January 25th.

Well Monday ended quite good because I chatted a little bit with one of my good friends name Ale, I like having a conversation, even if it is in the virtual way, talk to someone that listens and is far away from these 4 walls of mine.

Now, today is not like lazy, it is a going with the flow day. I just saw this cool website, with a really great project and I subscribe, it is going to be a challenge, but it is a way to get notice as a writer. But you know what I am the first that needs, that must see that. Talking about THE WRITER IN ME & I am little by little doing it.

 

January 26th.

Yesterday I found out that maybe my life is about to change, that maybe is going to be now the one to provide for my whole family and I’m kind of excited and scared all at the same time. Today, a lot of work ahead, need to make sure to have an excellente RESUME on my hands, DO I HAVE IT? I guess I do. You know what, it turns out that this path, this particular project turned to be a time to reflect things despite the breaking of the rules. I realized that my thing is my writing.

 January 28th

Well yesterday I told my day as a comment and now I’m posting here, adding here. What I didn’t have the chance to tell you is that into the room yesterday night enter a light of happiness, my Mom was feeling happy, gratefull, excited, SHE was DANCING, I guess the WORLD can really surprise you.

Today life is good, I have high expectations. The sun is starting to come out and I can almost touch it. So lets see how the day goes. The only bad thing of the start of this day is I have no comments on my blog, but maybe soon, besides I decided to change from the other blogsite to this one right? & it takes time to get NOTICE, so lets wait and see. Maybe if I go with the flaw this can blow me away into the right direction. Yeah!

I’m starting to feel the change, I’m looking around and I notice something that looks kind of like:

Yeah! I’m talking about them, my kids, they are my light.

I’m almos on the end of this road and yesterday was fun for me; I let out all of my hell with my son, I had a really “aha” moment with this little fellow of mine, a comunication that some could say it was a “fluke”, but I know what I felt & it felt really real to me. He can’t speak, at least not yet and yesterday he felt the need to cry one more time and really loudly. I went to him, I gave him a bottle of milk, he started drinking it and while he was doing that I was talking to him, I was asking him questions, then I said “put your hand on the wall if your leg is hurting you” and he put it. I told him that there was ahead 39 days more of having that cast on his leg so I asked him “Can you hang in there for 39 more days? put your hand on the wall if you can” and he put it. I don’t think I need to enter into all of the details of the conversation for you to get it right? I LOVE HIM.

Now is January 29th

And he is crying again even though that at this precise moment that is 8:45 in the morning he is in fact sleeping; sleeping is really cool right because it makes you forget and if you are lucky; you go to that place of dreams where you can do anything and if you are lucky again that feeling will follow you when you wake up. So

In my case, sometimes I feel that:

Anyway life is good even when is grey. So

 

I really think my yesterday day ended well I even got inspire and wrote a little poem that I named the Vikaspoem or Poemvikas & here it is

What do you like about me?
You asked
Do you have to?
Don’t you know by now;
I like the point of your nose,
I like the way that you talk,
I like the way you look at me;
with those eyes
that I could loose myself in.
I like the way you make me feel
when you say to me
that I’m so lovely, so cute, so beautiful
that I wonder
if maybe you need glasses
but instead I say……
I want to hear some more.
You make me feel so happy
that I just want to smile
even when there’s nothing to smile about.
When I chat with you;
you make me feel so young
you make me forget
all my troubles fly away.
You make me forget where I am
and others may say
that this is nothing,
that this is not the real thing
but what do they know;
if they were inside my heart
they would know why
I feel like this;
so have I said too much
or not quite enough?
You tell me and I tell you more
that is that I love you so.

I must tell you that I invented it and created it by singing it, in accapella styly of creating poems these days. It has a tune that is familiar to me, but I quite not catch it or recognize it, but anyway is there.

Today is January 30th. & it is 4:47 in the morning time and creation knocked on my door so here I am, I imagine that my face will regret it later on, just take a look:

But my son was awake and crying and I couldn’t stand it so I took myself out of the equation and now he is asleep. Let’s see what later on will bring to me, I’m faithfull that it would be:

January 31st.

Yesterday was at the end so-so; I enjoyed watching the SAG Awards, but I didn’t enjoy the discussion around my relation with my computer, my laptop, but anyway today is a new day and I guess we can leave that behind & try to see it of her point of view & from mine too, because I know that over here in this house there is an addiction related to going online all the time, but in my case I consider that mine has an excuse and a good ONE, you see going online is my escape from this reality that I’m living in, sometimes or most of the times going online feels like I’m in a job and this is my job. Some other times the excuse it is in fact just pathetic because it is just to find out if people have read me or not, but also to know what the World has to say now, at this moment, at this second. I guess going online is my way to do some multitasking you know; I mean, I’m always thinking of things to write, so if I’m online I write these thoughts down, well I type them down and maybe I share them just to find opinions from others, so I think I really have a good excuse right? Besides this keeps me SANE. On the other hand I see my Mom’s point, so I will try to find a solution for me and my daughter (yeah! that is the other one with the addiction of going online, I don’t know what is her excuse) And today, well let’s just see what the future brings.

As you can see I changed the name of the post from “30Days of not social network” to  because of the fact that these 30Days that are not over yet are in fact a Journey of a lot of stuff as you have seen, so see you later.

 

 

 

 

February 1st.

Yesterday ended really well, I’m really tired today and I guess I’m feeling it because modern times failed on me. I wanted to scan some photos, but I couldn’t, my scanner decided not to work this time around, anyway, what can I do? Life is like that sometimes. Life sucks & Life is great. Thank God that most of the times wins the second face of life.  Let’s see what the future brings my way today, maybe a new friend like yesterday, I got one and I liked it. I also got a beautiful poem from my India fellow, let’s call him “V”; I don’t know if he wrote it or not, the fact is that he gave it to me and it is so lovely. In the old days I would had been totally falling in love, deeply with this guy because he would had been one in a million of guys that do that kind of thing.

February 2nd.

Yesterday was another good day, my little son behave really well and my little girl is smart. I’m saying this because it went really well for her in school and in addition to her grades; she is a really good girl with a big amount of imagination & wisdom at such young age, I just love her.

Today I really don’t know what the day would bring to me, but I guess good things and I say this because of what is happening to me. You see, through my radio net call Jango I met these Artists and one of them did something quite unexpected for me. Let me start from the beginning; I met him on Jango, his music at least, I sent and posted a comment on his Jango page, then he wrote me back and invited me to go to his facebook fan page and I did. So a few days ago I decided to take all of my favorite pages to my Projects on the Road facebook page and that includes his page. I let him know that, he found out and guess what? He did the same for my page, he posted it on his list of favorite pages. Isn’t that something? It was lovely. So life is really good. I like this path of writing and writing and writing and never stop, I just love it. This is my journey and my faith.

Sometime ago in the past decided to quit writing, but someway or another my writing never let me go, he kept still. Yeah! I don’t know I call my writing a HE, I guess it has to do with my loneliness, anyway I adore writing. THIS IS THE BEST UNPAY JOB EVER.

 February 3rd.

Well yesterday was another good day of inspiration and playing around with my camara from my laptop. It was great having those intimate moments with my computer, because I felt the laughter touching all my body, silly expression I know, but that’s the only way I can say it, to tell you what I was feeling.

Yesterday I told one of my friends why I like writing on this blog, what do I expect from it. I know most of the times the tune I’m playing with this blog sounds like this but in fact it ius just my perspective of how I see things.

You know, I discovered myself as a writer and that is easy to smile you just need to practice and that’s what I’m going to do today and from now on in anyway possible.

There is something out there that goes like this:

An infectious smile

 So, if you feel a smile begin,
Don’t leave it undetected

Let’s start an epidemic quick,
And get the world infected!

 

 

 

 

February fifth.

Ok, I wasn’t over here the other day, but it didn’t happen that much just the fact of online obsession, so I decided to go online, but not writing. I needed my head to be fresh, besides of naughty knocking on my door; there was some melancholy shadow knocking too, but life has to go on so I am doing exactly that. I may have the bad habit of perfectionist, but I do have the commitment.

February  7

You know I like number 7, I don’t know why but I do. Yesterday was not bad at all, I had my obsession with my blog, but I did finished my housework as promise and really well in fact, I had fun with my shores, I really did.

And today I wrote a letter to him, a letter to the unknown but I sure I hope is out there. Yeah! he is right there picture me and waiting for me to get ready to run to him.

While that happens I have so many plans ahead to do, to start doing right away.

OMG!!!! I made a mistake the other day when I wrote the date, today in fact it’s the 7, I don’t know where is my head, I guess someone got me. Yesterday before I went to sleep I found on this page that I knew this thing of moods, you click on that and it takes you to different clips of movies that are under that category of mood, it is kind od find you mood and let’s see what you discover, that makes a great tittle for a tv show. LOL.

February 10

Forgive me for it has been two days since my last confession, but on the first day; I woke up, went to my laptop, I turned it on, I went online, I got to my blogsite, I log in and then nothing. I couldn’t write anything or edited anything at all; why? I don’t know, but as you can see it got fixed by a happiness engineer. On the second day I got busy with other stuff that I forgot, but you know creativity hasn’t stopped, at least not yet, it is getting bigger and bigger by the second that I think at any time it is going to burst, but I do like the idea of being inspire by the second. So let’s see where it takes me.

February 11

Only one week and this journey of 30 days will end and I am already missing it, that’s silly right, but I’m happy and gratefull for this journey and for what it is going to come next. I already have plans for my writing, the writing of my blog. In the mean time I’m working on finish my mini novel and writing in some details that I forgot or didn’t think the first time I wrote it. I like the way is going, but I wonder if there are out there in the real world some of my characters, like in the movie; “stanger than fiction” What a great movie!

I do feel my characters to be real, they are at least to me, yeah! I wonder, but let’s move on. I need now to create a plan, an agenda for my use of this particular laptop and the Internet to avoid discussions with mom, to start over with Santiago and his theraphy and because I need to set an example for my little girl. Complicated but doable, so let’s see how it goes. Wish me luck.

February 12

Well today I woke up really early I guess because my mom is going to take later on today the laptop to her work. (She just asked me exactly just this that I’m writing to you). Today was also the end of the journey of the 30 days of truth and now I need a new project and I’m thinking that I already have one, two, three or more. I have so much creativity into this head ofr mine that sometimes I amaze myself, LOL. Let’s see how this day goes for me and for Annie without this cute laptop of ours. Because I guess mom is right we have become to addicted to it.

February 13

Well yesterday was not that bad because I didn’t do much, just because for the weather, just for the weather I said why wash the clothes, (por qué trapear) sorry for my spanish in action, but I still don’t know a lot of vocabulary in my english knowledge. Iwas not that bad either because my mom after all didn’t take the computer with her and I owe that to the damn weather or I must call him my angel dear friend weather. As I said the other day I’m already finished with my project of the 30Days of truth and now I need other projects so I’m thinking, thinking, thinking, more thinking, thinking, did I say thinking?, yeah! I’m thinking………………….I got it; click here to know about it if you want to know about upcoming projects in the world of English.

February 18

Well, ok, I haven’t been around, but you can’t blame me for it, not really, the thing is that I lost my drive, I really lost it this time. I don’t what it is; I guess it’s the fact that I’m out of my routine and that it just hit me now, I need really bad to go back to my old routine and add to it some little details because otherwise that old routine will bore me to death. On the other hand I think it is the red visit of every month and the fact that fall on february 14th its arrival, it really sucks. I must confess that I sent him a valentine message and he didn’t answer and later on like yesterday I sent to him another message telling him if he is  ever going to speak to me and nothing. Why guys are like that, I hate valentines, I hate February. I don’t know what is it. I’ll be ok, I have faith that I will because who needs that kind of love anyway right? I have the love of my friends and family and that should be enough, but someway it isn’t but there’s nothing I can do. I will trust God that he knows what he is doing. I know that love is out there, but I don’t know when or how is this love is going to arrive or if he is ever going to, but love is out there. Either way I’m here and I’m surviving.

February 19

I’m still surviving and yesterday was a really lazy, lazy day, today that has to change. From now on some difference into my life must be given. I don’t know exactly what I’m talking about, but you know I like my life and I just realize today, just now that this journey of 30 days is already finished. Hopefully next time it would be 30 days as plan, but plans change all the time right? And this is an example of that. Maybe to be exactly as plan must be 15 days instead of 30. Anyway, I guess we will see you with other projects because this one has arrived to its end.

~ by Montsserrat on January 24, 2011.

3 Responses to “The Journey”

  1. Today I will post as a comment and not editing anything overhere on this post because I don’t feel like it. Last night was kind of really grey with a lot of yelling and screaming really loud, economy does that to you when you don’t have it good, but I still have faith. I made my RESUME, I don’t know if I’m going to use it anytime soon, but already done. I also started creating a pilot project for the world of English, so lets see what happens next. Like I said before this 30Days project of not social networking became something else, but I like very much what it became. Today is January 27th and it is painted to be a pretty cool day as we say over here in Mexico, Yeah! I’m mexican, HAVEN’T YOU NOTICED? Life goes on, see you around.

  2. Even though the tittle of the post has changed I will continue with the plan of this post to last just 30Days even though again the journey continues

  3. This path of 30Days is not over yet, but I’m starting to miss it already

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