Life

is not always as we want it to be right? But is that a bad thing? That’s what I’m wondering around right now, because you see when I was younger I used to picture myself having this amazing job that would allow me to keep writing and maybe being published. I also pictured myself traveling to Spain and maybe stay there for a while and I also used to picture myself having my own appartment; I didn’t care if it was small or big, but it used to be in my head my own appartment. In the past I needed that to happen to me before becoming anyones wife. I wanted to have my own stuff first, enjoy it and then well you know.

I never planned to be married, but from time to time I must confess I dreamt about it like any other girl out there.

From time to time I also dreamt about the perfect guy and the way we would meet, but nothing of that has happened, well at least not yet.

Nowadays I’m a single mother of two beautiful kids that drive me crazy from time to time, but I also love sooooooo much. They are in fact my reason to live. I can see the world through their eyes and sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s not. I see that the world hasn’t changed that much from my generation to theirs. There is still a lot of complains in this world with good reasons, but I also see a little window of change and that makes me feel happy.

I have no job at the moment and the reason is a really long, long story. I just don’t, but my mistake, I do have job; I run my own house, I take care of the kids, I am their teacher, I take care of the money, I see that everything is organized. I do a lot of things, but I don’t get pay. Is that important? Sometimes it really is.

I have so many ideas, I keep myself busy, too bad there is not a job out there that pays for ideas.

Just two days ago my son needed to have an operation on his right foot, so now he is with a cast and unable to walk. Today is number two on a list of 6 weeks of not walking. My life seems like hell right now and OMG! How much we take for granted all the things that we have in life.

Nowadays I’m also on the path of 30Days of truth. Tomorrow I will start my number 10 or 11 and I’m thinking too much, I am reflecting on a lot of stuff that it has been happening to me.

I see love is out there, but I never know where to look for it and I guess I’m really hard to find. I guess that the problem with me is that I love LOVE, the idea of feeling it’s in fact a really great feeling, there is nothing like that and I know, I know that the love of your kids, your parents, your friends and family is amazing too, but there is something quite special when it comes from your partner. I guess I need to learn to be happy with what is given to me right? Yeah, that’s right!!!!!

I am trying really hard, believe me, so what about you? But let me go back to the subject that I started while writing the first line of this page. I guess life needs to change with the steps that you take, sometimes stays still, but other times needs to go fast. I guess the future is still unwritten.

 

Best of best, kisses & love

Montsse

 

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~ by Montsserrat on January 27, 2011.

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