Day ONE

The way I see at things, sometimes they get me in so much trouble and I hate that & I did that. But I love it too, I hate that. Hate is really a strong word, I don’t think I relate to that word, is that so wrong? Is there something wrong with me? I guess what I hate about myself if I have to say something about it; is that I always wa…nt to be right, hate the I told you so, I hate that I’m always thinking that it is me the one that gives it all, feeling like that is 100% exhausted. I hate that when I start crying for good or no good reason I start crying about everything. I hate the fact that I’m always ahead of myself, jumping into coclussions, living in the past unreal. I hate what ifs, but I live in that world. I hate that about myself. Trying to change, but I always start doing it again. In relationships, when they start with the: “It is not you is me” I’m thinking it’s me and I start giving reasons why it is me. I hate doing that. In the love matter when it doesn’t happen my way I start thinking that maybe it is this or that that I did. It is so frustrating. All this theories and philosophies that I have on my mind are ending me by the sec, by the minute, by the hour. Hate that. What can I do? Change doesn’t happen over night, I’m trying, I’m really trying.

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~ by Montsserrat on February 5, 2011.

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